But I had to write this:
I did not enjoy tonight at all. All the time I felt like those friends are not having fun with us. I told that later to Ali but he diagreed and told me I don't make good communication with ppl that are not my friends and that makes me think of everything in another way.
I think both are right. I truly feel the guys didn't like Ali and well I hate to see that, knowing how much he loves ppl. But then again what if I'm wrong? What if that's how I think ppl think about him? In that case, I'm very upset with myself!
And yes I'm very bad at makig communication with ppl that are more active than I am. I feel weak, I feel like I bore them with my talks and I have nothing new to share.
I smoked a lot today. My head aches now and suddenly I hated all the smell that was running in my head. I took my head under the water for some minutes trying to wash that feeling away. I hate this feeling.
I gotta sleep to forget this not likeable night, the smell, the feeling, the weakness.
hmmm
I totally understand : feeling yourself weak...I have it whenever I jump into an unknown, unfamiliar crowd, and I can´t even say one word.I have also been really bad at making communications.
ReplyDeletebut there is also something else: they would not understand your feelings, your thoughts, even if you talked. some of the time the crowd is so different, that there is exactly nothing to share if you don´t want to talk rubbish.
I hope you had a good sleep, to remove the bad smells and bad thoughts and bad feelings.don´t be upset. I know you think all these cause you luv ali. but this is his choice how to treat ppl. if he decide to love everyone, regardless of their reaction, let him be himself. remember I have known him for atleast 5 years. he is being nice to everyone, and this is rather adorable, but I´m sure he knows not everyone likes him. If he decides to still be nice, knowing the guys do not like him, it is agin his decision. and I think the collection of his decisions makes him adorable and lovely to you. It is what he decides to do, that matters.
I had a terrible sleep:)) Actually I woke up at 9, then again slept at 10.5 I guess and woke up at 12.5, then slept at 3.5 till 6.5!! I finally feel better now.
ReplyDeleteIn my last parts of sleep I had 2 strange dreams: First was about torture, cause I read about Kahrizak and all those shit and now I could see everything with detail. I don't know if I've told you before or not, but it's about 1.5-2 months that I dream about all the post election stuffs every night.
The other dream was very silly:)) A spanish guy was showing me how to dance with a cow:)) Seriously!!:)) It was like tango, I was holding the cow's hands and we were dancing like in cartoons:)) Haha!! lol
He's very lovable:)
ReplyDeletelovable, just as you are:*
ReplyDeletethat dream was so funny. I am trying to imagine the details:))
ReplyDelete