می میرم...هر روز بیشتر از دیروز

If you were here, I wouldn't need to try not to be alone. If you were hear I wouldnt act that stupid.

wish you were here:******

I wonder...how hard I try to convince people not to fall in love with me...and if they fall, how hard I try to convince them to forget me.

Is it just normal? I'm 25. I am filled with fear. I'm filled with the feeling that there is exactly no one I like-apart from the sexual attraction. and it's mostly true. those who I like sexualy are disgusting humans. they don't understand what I want and I find them empty. I'm 25 and I don't think I even want to share a part of my life with anyone. I enjoy spending my time in NGOs, with labor children...and I hate the standard answers to what a good life is. I hate staying, and I hate leaving.

I know what I want, I know what I want sucks, I know I don't get there. I can't convince myself to be happy with something/someone lacking the main elements. and atthe same time these less -than-perfect elements turn out to be sexy. and I can't lie and say they're satisfying. and they disappear.

ironies, a generation full of oronies, a country full of irnoies, a self full of ironies, a life full of ironies...sometimes I want to tell my brain to shut the fuck up. It never stops the dialogue and I am few persons living in one body.



:*

P.S1: it was not the reason behind my status. I will post that one on FB
P.S2: mom is right. my friends will all go one day. I'm selfish...I don't want any of them to leave me. I don't want Goli to find a bf or u or Puri.but she's right that I won't be that attractive 10 years later and I'll finally be lonelier than ever forever. the thing is that even when I know this, I can't force myself to be conservative and accept those less-than-perfect people in my life.

he's not going to write me back. :( there is a worm inside me, eating my flesh. pain

That's it. they become shorter and shorter. I fall in love for just hours...and that's my life now. It's just painful, even for myself.

and he smelled even better than him. you see how it's painful? after three years I felt much better with some one...and it lasted less than a day. I just suffer too much. I know none of them can last long, but I always get trapped in the emotional decisions. and for a week I take it serious, then I finally can understand how comic it has been since the beginning. but it takes another period of depression.

it's hard not to take it serious, even when we normally know, or we claim to know.when it comes to the point of emotional, and sexual attraction, everything confuses me.

It was painful this time.:(
good that I can atleast tell you about it.:*

اینترنت زغالی. تنهایی، ترس و دیگر هیچ. انقدر خلوت