Guess we had our last sex, for now. Let's see when (and who?!) would be the next one.

btw I was thinking now that you won't be in Iran in September, can't u just get a schengen after your Korea trip and come to Munich?:P :P

this is getting annoying. I noticed how stupid is my life: I was in office average 11 hours these weeks. I come home, can't concentrate on anything else. read news and blogs, watch a movie, eat and sleep. that's what I didn't want.:( I have thousands of works to do in September. I thought I would have more time when thesis is done, but it's even worse.
what did you do finally with housing?

then, I should again say that , despite the stupidity of what I say, I still love hugh grant type. don't laugh at me:p (not serious, but just fun)

آخرین شنبه...

He'll won't be here next week in this time, whether I like it or not. Last night was his goodbye party. We all had so much fun, though couldn't help my tears for some seconds. My wish came true and I could sleep beside him once more. I would miss that simple room with that feministic library and that single bed that we've learned to sleep together in it. I would miss him. Just have to hope that things go our way.

Seeing ppl living happy outside Iran is making me jealous. I fear I might not fit into Munich.

I never felt this much great with anyone.

what's wrong with Ali?:( he's mad at me without any reason. hmmm. mige az to beporsam chera abesh ba man tu ye joob nemire:(

just sth I think about these days, not truely radom to be honest with you.
What would you do if you were really interested in a homosexual guy? I mean really interested...
I asked Andrea, and he says you should not fall for a homosexual (from a different sex of course). well of course I control myself, but controlling is a big lie, isn't it??? when someone turns you on, controlling doesn't mean that he would not turn you on anymore...

I won an essay contest, the prize covers my flight ticket to Korea, for a conference!
It was surprizing. winning an essay contest gives a good feeling. I think 35 essays were in the contest, 35 from expert young people in my field.

I remembered how much I wanted to be a writer, to be a good writer, I remebered when I used to write children stories and my sis painted pictures for each page and we made hand-made books together. now she is an accountant and I´m an engineer. life kills everything in us.

and I remembered that strange dream I had about Borges at 15. Isn´t it weired that I remember some of my night dreams after several years? vivid memories.
I should write the remaining pages of my thesis draft (20-30) today. should work fast.
I love you.

عصبانی و ناراحته از دستم. بحثمون شد، منم که عصبانی میشم غیرقابل تحمل حرف میزنم فکر کنم. امیدوارم بتونه فراموش کنه، خیلی ناراحت و عصبانی شد...

این روزا همه چیز دست به دست هم میدن انگار... بهترین سکس های ممکن.

امروز دائم با هم بودبم، 12 ساعت. بعد فهمیدم با دوستاش قرار بوده بره جایی، نرفت که با هم باشیم. نمی بخشم خودم رو اگه با کسی بخوابم!

2 years ago, I waited every second to hear someone asking me not to leave. I knew it would be over when he didn´t say a word, he kissed me, a good bye. and that was all.

love is a dead world.

قول داده بودم نشمرم این روزهای آخر رو.. عدها رژه می رند اما... 19... که الان حتی شده 18... و جمعه صبح زود که می شود به عبارت درست تر 17...

بهترین هم میشه هر لحظه! امروز با اون ریش کوچیکش جذاب ترین بود.. پوست هامون که لمس میکنن همو انگار نمیخوان جدا شن...

دائم از خودم می پرسم تا کی باید هر کیو که دوست دارم به خاطر فاصله از دست بدم؟

یهو می بینم که دارم بااااز دنبال پوزیشن می گردم تو بوداپست.. بعد یادم میاد که دختر جان! آخه اگه باشه، میری؟! بی خیال آلمان؟! به همین سادگی؟! دردسرهای ویزا چی؟ یا ترس باقی اد ها رو می بینم. پوزیشنی نیس. ناراحت شدم.

نمی خوام بره. عین بچه ها فکر می کنم اگه دستشو ول نکنم می مونه. بعد فکر می کنم اگه بره، من می مونم؟! اگه من برم چی؟! من 3 سال درس دارم. عین بچه ها فکر می کنم بزرگ شدیم و یه کاریش می کنیم حتما.

دوسش دارم.

همخوابه های قدیمی همیشه همان جا هستند، با همان لودگی دوست داشتنیشان!

نگرانی ام از تنها شدن بی جهت نیست...

hmmm. not good. not good. Mylife is shit. I have been asleep for 20 hours, without even being drunk. I'm awfully depressed I suppose. woke up once around midnight, and found a half broken cigarette, smoked and slept again till midday today,and again from 4 to 6. sounds bad. I should have 40 pages of my thesis tomorrow, and I have 10 pages written. I should have made two reports, none is done and deadlines are passed. don't know what the fuck I'm doing. It's not even PMS. (my period just finished two days ago)I ate the whole package of chocolate powder!!! and two big cheese packs. with lots of almonds. and have a bad headache. and I want absinthe, good that I can't find it here where I live.
I'm in serious trouble.

I´m so alone, I need you. thesis is awfully difficult to write , 3 weeks left and I have 20 non edited pages down, program is not complete, charts are not done , everything gives crap results. and I´m sad. and lonely.

boghz. boghz. boghz.
and someone said all the protest and stuff are over. do you think it would be a period of disappointment? like after 1332 coup? my heart is kind of heavy. and I´m afraid.
:* love you