A Saturday Night Tale.

I was sitting there, in one of those huge train stations, waiting for a train that never came. It was a crowded Saturday night, and people were rushing to catch the last trains back home, with alcohol keeping them red faced and happy while the children nagging and crying.

Police, with shining green uniforms, was waiting for the football fans. The train from the stadium arrived with a noise, and screams of excited drunk fans kicking eachother. A woman with cleaning staff uniform was constantly and excitedly looking at the rush of police forces, with their horrifying dogs, at the drunk fans. I walked to the schedule board nervously, checking to find out if there would be a train to Colmenar.

hmm..., no train. Thinking what to do and I could see in the distance the police forces were following three of them out of the platforms. and the dogs barking sound filled everywhere. Ignore the fucking horrible sound, I told myself.

I thought I would go and call a friend to stay the night in Madrid. I could still hear screams from the main building. The cleaning woman went in the train and we said Adios with a facial gesture.I left afterward.

Then it was the scene, the young boy lying on the ground unconscious, three dogs rounding him and barking...police keeping the audience away and other two didn´t know what to do, shocked and just shocked, they were aimlessly running around, crying, shouting at the frozen faces of the police, and hitting their head to the ticket office wall. And crying, and crying, and crying. The body was still there, still and motionless.

Frozen, as if they killed an ant...Frozen, but I could hear how we, all participants on the stage, were cracked.

REZA WAR+PEACE: A Photographer´s Journey

Can´t describe the feeling this collection gave me, but just incredible...each photo is a unique experience he shares with us.

btw did u see the news about finding Luxemburg's body after 90 years?

I spend my times in bed: lying faced to it. I think it gives a kinda "hug" feeling when you can feel something rub your body.., even if it's bed!

Nothing new for today. I decided to stay home and write my thesis. I should get an appointment from the embassy but just don't feel like doing it!
I keep wasting time.., that familiar inertia.

When I hear the news of you

Saturday morning, alone in GMV... WTF I was thinking??? WTF is my world going to?

We never thought we would stay together. And I never thought they all get married and go... they move on...What happened between 18 and 23?unforgivable sins.

Oftim be sandoughe adam yek yek baz...
This is dedicated to Maryam T...

And then the time pass
The wind washes your memories, and all that last.

Wild gooses fly away...and never again pass

And the tale ends at last.

I'm thinking of different possible choices:

- Both of us stay in Iran & marry.
- Both of us stay in Iran & apply next year for the same city.
- Marry & ask him to decline his admission and come to Germany and then we'd think of future.
- Marry & I'd decline my admission and go to Hungary with him and then we'd think of future.
- Get engaged and go to our separate countries and hope that this would work.
- Be friends and go to our separate countries and hope that this would work.
- Well.., nice to know u, babye!

Yet, NONE of them seems right. None of them is the best choice. And again I remember "We're always making a choice.".

I was sitting there..hiding my ¨self¨

Was there that sad expression on my eyes? or it could have been my lips, pressed together not to be openned again? to hear the silence...do people feel how me smiling lips are hiding the tension of the body?

I need you to fill the holes, self portraitist. Why in the other devil´s name you´re not around?

So once again, I'm getting close to another "end" I suppose. I used to think the hurt would decrease as I grow up, but now seeing that this time everything's great and yet there's nothing I can do to keep it makes me feel paralyzed.

I close my eyes to comfort myself: You're only 24, your life's just beginning, and you have lots of adventures ahead. But well.., what if I'm over with the enthusiasm of having adventures in my life? What if whatever I imagine, I answer myself with "eh, been there, done that!". I don't want no more new romantic/ sexual adventures. I wanna keep what I have, I wanna hold it close and never ever let it go!! Yes very childish, hmm? I guess that's me in love!

Yes I knew it would end soon from the very first beginning. I hate the way this phrase has become the routine of my life; knowing that nothing would last and seeing the end before it starts.

It's just not "fair". Hih like there is anything "fair" in this fuckin life...!

I told him that I wanna say something "khaz". And then began with some stupid sentences like "I want this to last", "I don't want this to end", "What shall we do?", "What would happen?". It's actually funny! I think we use these phrases "a lot" in life, and yet every time we think "this time i really mean it!".

Of course the answer was clear; I should be rational. And well, we all know what that means.

I feel paralyzed.

10 things you didn´t know about orgasm

http://www.ted.com/talks/mary_roach_10_things_you_didn_t_know_about_orgasm.html

I didn´t know all but I knew some. great anyways

She loves photography, I love words. She portraits the self, I describe the flow of emotions in the air.



¨When one reads these strange pages of one long gone one feels that one is at one with one who once ....¨ Ulysses, Joyce

sudden rush of unsatisfaction

Office here is definitely exploiting me. But I can´t help myself: I enjoy what I do. I enjoy working long hours, and I will be so sad when I finish my inetrnship.

I´m getting used to chatting with Andrea about literature while writing fortron codes. I enjoy coffee breaks and lunch time jokes. I enjoy Andrea, the blue eye guy who blinks instead of saying Hi in the cafe´..., and Felipe who resembles David, and Angel who laughs at me when I come to the office drunk. I enjoy talking with Lucia, when she would never guess know how I could love her.

When you´re sure the good parts will leave you behind, the only way is to hope new ones come.

A glimpse of U!

Made by:
Flickr Search (http://www.flickr.com/)
Mosaic Maker (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/2009/may/27/tracey-emin-sex-london-exhibition

"Oh Christ I just wanted you to fuck me and then I became greedy, I wanted you to love me."

And I wanted to f.u.c.k you.

It´s a long time that I do not feel nervous saying the words...showing the desire...

bitchy

I feel verrrryyyy bitchy! I just wanna shout in the face of all my past partners' girlfriends who feel so happy and loved "Hey! We slept while you were daydreaming your white wedding!!" lol.
Haha! It must have something to do with sadism, but seriously in my mind, I think of it as a way to "show the truth" to ppl.., or shall we say SHOUT the truth in their stupid faces?