I wonder...how hard I try to convince people not to fall in love with me...and if they fall, how hard I try to convince them to forget me.

Is it just normal? I'm 25. I am filled with fear. I'm filled with the feeling that there is exactly no one I like-apart from the sexual attraction. and it's mostly true. those who I like sexualy are disgusting humans. they don't understand what I want and I find them empty. I'm 25 and I don't think I even want to share a part of my life with anyone. I enjoy spending my time in NGOs, with labor children...and I hate the standard answers to what a good life is. I hate staying, and I hate leaving.

I know what I want, I know what I want sucks, I know I don't get there. I can't convince myself to be happy with something/someone lacking the main elements. and atthe same time these less -than-perfect elements turn out to be sexy. and I can't lie and say they're satisfying. and they disappear.

ironies, a generation full of oronies, a country full of irnoies, a self full of ironies, a life full of ironies...sometimes I want to tell my brain to shut the fuck up. It never stops the dialogue and I am few persons living in one body.



:*

P.S1: it was not the reason behind my status. I will post that one on FB
P.S2: mom is right. my friends will all go one day. I'm selfish...I don't want any of them to leave me. I don't want Goli to find a bf or u or Puri.but she's right that I won't be that attractive 10 years later and I'll finally be lonelier than ever forever. the thing is that even when I know this, I can't force myself to be conservative and accept those less-than-perfect people in my life.