Have you watched Closer? watch it if you have not, it's not new but well worth the time. first: isn't Jude Law-Portman the cutest couple ever? Second: I fancy a Jude Law with British accent. Third the last image reminds me of someone:p. Fourth: It's good, even apart from the second point.Fifth: It's a sad one. Just what you can expect from a movie about relationships, that doesn't try to lie.
Friday night: I made a lovely food after work, pour myself some Italian liquer, drinking and watching a movie. I miss you:*

P.S: Mom and Nima and Mehrnoosh were protesting yesterday:)d

Another important thing happened yesterday. We went to Neda's house. Masoud's and Kianoosh's family came too. It was a day to remember for me as I am not an activist like he is! Lots of things I've experienced with him.. :)

Yesterday, I asked him to get engaged to me! He laughed and said honey we both know you can't commit that! I told him that's exactly why I want to have something more serious to hold on to, something to keep me committed! Of course right after I finished my sentence, I knew how stupid it was! So then we discussed on how things are gonna be while we live apart. I love his maturity, his rationality. We made a vow to change our facebook status to "in an open relationship" right after one of us slept with someone else! hihi:P

are you out? I can´t get news here, and don´t know if there was a protest in Tehran r not. come back and tell me later.

Love you girl, always

I confess: I´m officially a racist

I hate lots of girls. you want to know the reason? here you are:
I told you my ex got married. And I told you his wife was also our friend and our classmate. and I´m really happy that they are happy.
His wife, Sara, had an internship with one of our Indian classmates, a real asshole. I was asking how they know eachother when I saw the comments on their wedding photos on FB. and I just said that the groom was my ex. and the Indian asshole, told me that I just loved him and he had not been my ex (probably as he was said by SOMEONE). I got really mad. What this girl had thought: that I´m so in love after 4 years broke up?(I can really laugh at such a stupid idea) why the girls are that stupid? I absolutely hate these kind of behaviour. I don´t blame it on the Indian guy, in my mind Indian = asshole, other than exceptional Indians ( 10% of those I know). I know this is a racist idea. But whatever...fuckin stupid. my brain is exploding.

NOKIA

message!

I don´t have FB, Can you please tell this to Ali?

Ali jan
I again suggest: Sarcasm is not the way to asnwer Nima. You could ask him to prove his claim. you could ask any questions... you could show any fact against his claim. Please don´t choose sarcasm. This is not the answer, not the one I expect from someone like you. you are offending your character rather than defending Hajjarian and others.

Kisses
Mahsa

I'm trying to get a place to live in Munich. I still can't decide if a students' dorm is better or a single room flat. My brother and the univarsity recommend the first one, so that I would have some time to spend with new ppl to get familiar with the city and specially learn new culture and language, and of course ot have the shock of loneliness. Hamid says I can get the flat in the second semester.

I myself prefer the flat anyway. Cause I want to have a place if family and friends, specially Ali, would like to come for a visit. But then again may be this can be an opportunity to know more ppl and make communication.

Which one do u think is better?

It's 12:40 a.m. and I was out with Ali and 3 of his friends. I'm too sleepy to write my comments on ur posts, which means I have comments but too tired to write:P Would write everything tomorrow:*

But I had to write this:

I did not enjoy tonight at all. All the time I felt like those friends are not having fun with us. I told that later to Ali but he diagreed and told me I don't make good communication with ppl that are not my friends and that makes me think of everything in another way.

I think both are right. I truly feel the guys didn't like Ali and well I hate to see that, knowing how much he loves ppl. But then again what if I'm wrong? What if that's how I think ppl think about him? In that case, I'm very upset with myself!

And yes I'm very bad at makig communication with ppl that are more active than I am. I feel weak, I feel like I bore them with my talks and I have nothing new to share.

I smoked a lot today. My head aches now and suddenly I hated all the smell that was running in my head. I took my head under the water for some minutes trying to wash that feeling away. I hate this feeling.

I gotta sleep to forget this not likeable night, the smell, the feeling, the weakness.

hmmm

this is a new feeling...one of my ex boyfriends got married this week, with one of our friends. I was with hosein almost two years, and well, in my standards two year is looooooooooong. I was the one who broke up of course, but he wanted to annoy me, and make me jealous, and so he started a relationship with my close friend when we were almost done with our relationship. he kind of pretended to everyone that he was betraying me, and I was really mad. I felt myself really stupid to stay with such a kid for two years (fortunately it was all over). I don´t want to say it was a really bad relation at first ( we had a pretty good time together, and well he was a gopod pianist, and he was from a creepy rich political family, and his father had a philosophy PhD from Paris, and they knew lots of interesting people ofcourse), but sometimes some people turn out to be disgusting in some specific details. then I can´t help it, even if I´m sure he is a nice kind person.

I don´t know how I really feel now, I´m kind of feeling old, or feeling everyone is really really far from my life now. I´m happy with my life, marriage and stuff like this make me depressed. now that everyone around me is getting married- can you imagine: bahar ameri, minoosh mohaghegh, sarvenaz aghazamani, ima tavakkoli, my lovely sister,...- I feel like I´m the only person with this problem, that I can´t stand details of the people, e.g. how they smell. how they walk, how they laugh, how they show their love...does it sound stupid?It´s funny that I did not have time to find Rouzbehan disgusting. It is probable to do so given enough time.

I forgot to tell you...my self injury is much better I think. I´m more conscious about it. It is not gonna be perfect of course. there are scars but they are less red now. and few of the scratches and injuries are left on my arm. I hope not to start again.

yeaaaaa, right. there are lots of great things...the not so appealing parts are:

- you won´t be there
- not too many friends left in Iran
- even Mona Sedighi will be in Germany if everything with her admission goes right. I myself paid her admission fee last week and they said they would send the visa letter for her. I´m happy for her and sad for myself.
- I don´t lie to you: I know I want to be with Rouzbehan when I´m back. And I don´t know his feelings. this makes me horrified.
-I´m afraid of the creepy economy there. I know my dad stopped working since I moved here. and I should be able to support myself financially. I should get a well paid job, whatever it is. that makes me feel better, cause I don´t want my dad to work again in this creepy situation. he shouldn´t have lots of pressure on him.

Well I'm happy to hear that u're coming on 20th. I have to start my semsenter in October, so I should be in Munich some days before that. I think we can at leat spend a day tofgether:*

I'm so sorry about hearing that job-shit. What happened?! But wanted to come back anyway..., don't worry about that. I know it would be hard to be back in Iran, but at least you don't have all those pressures of being lonely on yourself, and that would make it easier for you to have a control on yur life:* And let me tell you, the other day Rouzbehan asked me if I wished to leave Iran later, and the answer was yes. The history's happening here, it's really great to be involved with every detail despite of all the danger and depression I suppose. So just think of the great sides of your coming back!>:*<

well! good to hear from you!!
I saw the beautiful photos of your graduation. you were all lovely, and I´´m soooooooooo happy you succeeded. now, enjoy every second of it:d

too much pressure here on me. I lost the job, I get my ticket back to Iran for around 20th of September, and I hope to see you at least once before you leave. my thesis is really in bad situation and I should work really hard this last month. my superviser was asking me what I would do now that I lost the job, and I didn´t know. when people ask me about the objective in my personal life, I should say I don´t have any; I was born in a specific place and time that I have my very own objective in life be a social one; I believe we were not given the opportunity to have a personal goals on top of our list, but I devote myself to give the next generation a better chance. Ofcourse there can be love and success and these things, but I think they happen without us craving for them. what I crave is building a free socity, how far and difficult it may seem. And this is what people here do not understand, cause they take it as granted.

Mom and dad are not really happy with me coming back, and the only one giving me some confidence is my lovely brother in law. I can´t say I´m relax, but I´m not making a big deal out of it.

I miss you girl:* I really miss talking to you these days. good that between all these crazy politics, and sad news we hear everyday, there are people like you around.take care of yourself. enjoy every second of this month, I´m so happy that you succeeded.

lots of love:*:x

It's alllllllllllllllllllll done! I feel happily ever after! The exams are over, the internships, the thesis, the visa process.., well almost everything is finished. I have a bit left but that's alright.

I do miss u:* I hope u unederstand how much pressure I had these last weeks. I can't believe I actually finished everything right in the last minutes! hihi!

4weeks from now and again I'll be alone. I prefer not to count the days and let us have as much as fun as possible.

It's like living in a nightmare: each day waking up, checking the news before everything, and another killed sister or brother...

Tell me what's up with u:*

:((

:((

boycott!!

yesterday I was sitting near my window, the place I always like anywhere I live. It was all quiet just the voice coming from the folk music concert in the plaza.

It was good, but I fell from m desk when I wanted to go back in the room. and I hit the chair with my neck, and the desk fell on me after that. I was kind of lucky not to break my neck. It is still red and painful and I can't talk alot or move it alot. don't know if it is serious and gonna be like this for along time. I have bad scratches on arms and legs, but they stopped bleeding yesterday.

you seem really busy. hope it all ends successfully for you!!! shagerd avval sho:d

how is it going?????

I´m being totally stupid.
Is it because I just started my period? probably.

Honey, you should read this: http://dodsonandross.com/sexfeature/myth-vaginal-orgasm-anne-koedt

I loved this paragraph:
"Masturbation finally puts an end to the concept of frigidity. If a woman can stimulate her clitoris to orgasm she is orgasmic and sexually healthy. "Frigid" is a man's word for a woman who cannot have an orgasm in the missionary position in five minutes with the kind of stimulation that's only good for him."


Love you!!!

good that you feel better. good!!

yea. I know my relationship with my mum really sucks when we're near...but it's much better when we are far away. Although I miss her, I don't know if I can live with her again after I go back in October. (considering the fact that you won't be there, Mehrnoosh is married and not with us anymore, I won't be with Rouzbehan to balance my depression...)

We were talking randomly with Lucia last night, around 3-4 AM when we were waiting for the night bus to come back to TresCantos from Madrid. About sex and lesbians and stupid cultural points in the east and love and stuff like that. I suddenly remembered why exactly I felt I would always love Rouzbehan after we broke up. I should tell you this once, in an email or when we will be randomly talking.

Lucia said there was a very good and different sex shop in Madrid that we should definitely go.

Ignorance:
The state in which one lacks knowledge, is unaware of something OR chooses to subjectively ignore information.

It was a fiesta night for sexual minorities. I just arrived home with Lucia. your post made me worried. I know you can't talk about it. tell me whenever you feel I can be a help or an ear to listen.

you will suffer living as Vicky.you will suffer living as Cristina(?)

we almost broke up.. can't talk about it right now.. choosing to be vicky or cristina...

"Vicky returned home to have her grand wedding to Doug. To the house they finally planned to settle in. And to lead the life she envisioned for herself, before that summer in Barcelona. Cristina continued searching... certain only, of what she didn't want. "

MJ:: You, Michael Jackson and Madar Je..de

Fereshteh Ghaazi is a reporter and the twitter of IRANBAAN.

She just wrote:

iranbaan: امشب شب بسیار حساس و وحشتناکی هست شاید تاریخ آینده ایران همین امشب رقم بخورد خیلی می ترسم خیلی

iranbaan: دلم میخواد فریاد بزنم اما تا شب باید سکوت کنم این چند روز مثل رازی در دلم تلنبار شده و شاید امشب این راز تاریخ ایران رو رقم بزنه

I've been following her twitts since the election and it has always been true. I'm so scared right now...

Well of course I am an atheist, but I really like this one, actually I've put it as my wallpaper. It's a work my Bozorgmehr Hosseinpour.

that terrible place?

The sister of one of my friends goes to Farzanegan now. I heard from his brother that she wanted to change.
when she heard I had studied there, she said she was sorry for me, cause it was a terrible place.

I´m not sorry for ourselves. I´m honestly satisfied with my own self after farzanegan, even if my life is aimless, and I´m definitely lost, and I can´t decide what I want, and I´m not serious with anything I do, I still think farzanegan was one of the few fortunate events of my life, otherwise highschool time could be just as wasted as the rest of my life.

It may not be as good for those who have more opportunities, who are more confident than I at the time, who do not have a wasted life as I had. It was after all an identity for a lost individual.

یه سری عکس دیدم بعد یادم افتاد که منم عکس می گرفتم یه زمانی! عکس هامو دیدم کلی دور دور بودم ازشون. اون انرژیه، اون خوش حالیه نمی دونم اصلاَ کجا هست...، یه جوری که حتی یادم نمیاد اون موقع که بوده چه جوری بوده.
بعد یاد فیس بوک افتادم...4 ماه پیش.. اون موقع که به این "فکر می کردم" که بزنم این ا ریلیشن شیپ یا نه! اون موقع که "موضوع" بحث مثلاَ دوستی من و علی بود! آدم چقد باید ذهنش راحت باشه که سوژه اینا باشن نه؟
خسته ام.. پایان نامه می نویسم. دلم می خواد برم بالای کوه و چند ساعت بی حرف همون جا باشم. دلم آرامش می خواد

You would love that... With Lucia we weent to visit the exhibition of Annie Leibovitz...there were personal photos of Susan Sontag as well as lots of my favourites like the Lennon and Yoko Ono on rollingstones, lots of war stories, massacre in rwanda and war in bosnia.

The best thing is definitely Susan's. I adore Sontag since highschool when I first read from her in 7 (that intellectual magazine back in the days...) well, perfect couple, and they were together since 1989 till Susan's death. they travelled in war bttles and Venice,Parice, Japan and everywhere together...I was sure Susan had a female lover...

well well, it was perfect.

farda tavallode Nimast.
surprise beshe!
mehrnoosh o ali o amir o doost dokhtaresh o lida o doost pesaresh o mona o mehdi.
che hame (gheire Ali khob!!)couple shodan!!! khube man nistam:))

bayad kaso bekharam befrestam. garche dir mirese...vali bazam adam az yedune khaharzanesh kado begire khube dge!!!:p